I probably could have done with re-reading the first book before taking my seat in the cinema as I’d forgotten parts of what happened and was in genuine surprise when the credits started to roll. But back to the book, this was one of the reasons I wanted to see the film - to see how it had been translated. I’ll hold my hands up - the other was to see (or stare) at Jamie Dornan but I’m only human.
Was it true to the book? Pretty much. You’re never going to be able to completely replicate all those pages in moving image but I think it did an okay job. Parts of it were wooden (no pun intended) and I did cringe at certain moments (mostly Anastasia’s acting if I’m being honest). Some people have been commenting on it not having as much sex in as possible but I think with the film council there’s only so much you’re going to get past them without it ultimately being a porno. Plus if you’ve read the books it’s not all about sex but his past and why he is the way he is - I don’t think they could have filled over 2 hours of footage without some substance.
Now I’ve given my sensible review of the film, here’s three things bugged me in no particular order.
Him stalking her on a night out
Knowing someone cares is one thing. Tracking you down without any inclination of the town or bar you’re in - kinda creepy. She’s on girl’s night and she’s angry with you - why you think this is a good time to go after her, I don’t know.
Selling her car and buying her a new one
Did she not mention she LIKES collecting classic cars?! Yet you SELL her BELOVED car and trade it in for a shiny red (red room of pain reference much?!) number. Yeah you’re a good listener pal. What happened to ‘my love don’t cost a thing’ - take it from JLo, it shouldn’t be about the dough. But hey, she takes the keys off him anyway and soon forgets about the car she LOVED. He’s probably got a tracking device built in as well sweetheart so if you’re planning on sneaking away from him, take the subway at least and make cash only payments because he’s probably got access to your bank account too.
Anastasia in general
Yes you’ve got Jamie Dornan all to yourself which is bound to cloud your judgement but have some respect for yourself. He won’t let you roll your eyes or bite your lip?! Get a grip. You also can’t have male friends, go on nights out or drink - would you like me to cut out sunshine, puppies and hugs too because that’s the sadness path we’re heading down. He also kicks off at you for going to visit your mother - blood’s thicker than water mate. And then when he makes her cry (and I MEAN cry - I don’t want to go into too much detail for anyone who hasn’t watched it) - she still stays at his house. Girl you should have grabbed your stuff and walked out straight away - if you need advice look to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman - she showed Gere what’s what, and she was technically a hooker.
And to make this a fair post, I’ll also include three reasons why he’s pretty fab.
He’s a weekend kind of guy
Whilst he may be over the top, controlling and 2% short of being a convicted stalker and/or psychopath, he’ll only require your attention from Friday until Sunday - giving new meaning to ‘that Friday feeling.’ That means you get time either to yourself or with friends for the rest of the time - and much needed time to de-stress after work. I say ‘work’ but Anastasia currently works in a hardware shop so I doubt it’s too cray cray but who knows - it’s not everyday Christian Grey stumbles in asking for cable ties, rope and masking tape.
He’ll plait your hair
Not only is this a plus this is also highly unrealistic. Just to fill you in if you’ve not seen the film (and this isn’t a spoiler) - he plaits her hair because he likes it like that. What kind of guy can plait a girl’s hair?! Have you seen them try?! I’ve known many guys and can tell you from my personal experience, they struggle massively. I think in my lifetime (which isn’t long granted), I’ve only known one guy to successfully plait my hair. It wasn’t anything to shout about. Nor was it anything sexual. Yet he seems to get some sort of kick out of it, but you know - each to their own and all that… Maybe he’ll start doing hair tutorials on YouTube for the next film. He went for a basic plait in the first film so maybe as the sex gets more adventurous so will the complexity of the plait work. I’m placing my bets on a fishtail.
He’s Jamie Dornan
I know there’s much deeper themes and issues with this film which my ‘review’, if you’d like to call it, doesn’t cover but I don’t have strong opinions about those. I basically just wanted to compare the books to the film and spend two hours checking out Jamie’s body, which I will give away as a spoiler - is FAB.