What I've Learnt From Being In A Relationship


My relationship didn’t start like your average. And no, not in a bad way, I just didn’t go looking, nor did I think I wanted or needed one. If you fancy some background for a bit of context, you can have a read here! I chose to be single for so long, and despite your friends, family and all of the rom-com films ever made telling you “it’ll happen when you least expect it” or asking at every event “have you found someone?” - I was content. You’re led to believe growing up that being single is something to be slightly pitied (cue Bridget Jones), as if life is lonely and will never be truly something until you meet someone else. And I hated that.

So ending up in a relationship was a miracle in some ways given my ‘sassy’ single views. But what this article isn’t is to bash relationships or people in them, because I’ve been in one for around two years now so I hardly hate it. And when I say ‘hardly’, I don’t hate it at all. In fact it’s changed my life and I’ve learnt so much along the way. If you asked me to sum it up in one sentence, it would be - you don't stop learning. As with anything in life. Okay there's more to it than that, otherwise what would be the point of writing this post?

I thought I knew everything about myself

There's emotions I never knew I had. I've learnt my boundaries and that Gary Chapman's 'Five Love Languages' makes a lot of sense (not being sponsored by Gary, but seriously read that book). I've also learnt that irrespective of your emotions and expectations of your relationship, others will have these too, and will project them onto you at any given moment.

If I had a £1 for every person who compared my relationship to theirs, I'd be going on a lot more holidays

I’ve learnt that it’s changed who I am, but not in a bad way at all. Even in the not so perfect moments, you grow mentally and emotionally and learn what to do in that situation next time, or what not to do. And speaking of emotions, have had to let my wall down, which is never easy. I’ve learnt how communication probably is the most important part of a relationship, even if it’s hard. I’m notorious for harbouring my problems or thoughts and that might save an awkward moment, but it does you no good internally.

I’ve learnt that compromise isn’t always a bad thing. My calendar is just as busy as it was before, but like anything in life, you make time for the things or people you want to and equally make adjustments where you can if it makes the person you’re with happy. I love our city breaks or meals out but I equally love doing nothing but watch a film or series together. I think when you’re with someone who makes you genuinely happy, whether that’s your friend, partner or family member, doing the most mundane things makes them feel less mundane with them.

I used to think that a relationship would mean I might lose who I am, or not have time for my life as I knew it. I also wasn’t keen on being vulnerable and letting my guard down, which let’s face it, is kind of a necessity in a relationship. When I met my now boyfriend I had no idea it would become a relationship, and potentially that might have been why it’s worked. I didn’t have an expectation or a goal. I also didn’t have much hope that Tinder would give me anything but a funny story to tell my friends on Monday. So the first thing (but last thing in this post) I’ve learnt is to give relationships a chance. If I hadn’t, god knows if I’d ever have given it a go and landed such a good egg.


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