Three females inspired this post. One is in long-term relationship, one is just about to get divorced and one is single. There is a big misconception in this world that if you’re not ‘with someone’ you’re alone and sad. I’m not sure who these people base this on, because as that old saying goes you can be with dozens of people and still be alone. Those aren’t the exact words but you get the gist…
You should be with someone because you want to be with someone, not because you need them. I’m not saying needing someone is bad, a level of ‘needing someone’ is healthy but it can also be a blessing and a curse. You always should be okay alone, and not 100% be defined by another person. I say this a little as a hypocrite as I invest a lot of time, energy and happiness in my loved ones, but in my core, I know through all of the bad things that have happened to me, how strong I am deep down. And that’s the beauty of life, it should kick you down so you appreciate building yourself back up. It should break your heart so you know when it’s healed. It shouldn’t be a bed of roses and knowing you can ride the waves solo is so bloody empowering.
My single friend is happily single. She hasn’t got the time, energy or motivation to be in a relationship and guess what world? She’s not crying every time she hears a sad song or falling apart because her boy didn’t ‘do good’ in getting her some flowers. Instead she spends time doing what she wants, when she wants to, with the people she wants. A relationship to her would be an added bonus, not a necessity to survive.
Another of my friends is just about to start divorce proceedings. I’m not going to delve into the situation for obvious reasons, but what I do know is how inspiring she is. She gave her whole heart, her life and everything she had and it didn’t work out. It’s devastating, unfair and all-round shit. But that girl is strong, she’s sassy, she’s ambitious, driven, smart and many more attributes I could list. And in the short space this has all happened she’s proved how strong she is.
And then my final friend of this feature is a in a long term relationship. If we’re going on society’s norm, she’s not ‘alone.’ But I know from her personality and attitude that if that relationship were to end tomorrow she’d be just fine. Because her strength of character and choice to still be her own person alongside being with someone enables her to be okay alone. She still has her friends, her social life, her hobbies and her career. Her relationship means a lot to her but it’s not everything in her life. And I have a lot of time for that. You should never forget your identity, because what happens if and when it’s over? You’ll feel lost, unsure what to do with your life - heck, I’ve been there, which is why I feel okay to write these posts.
So guess what? It’s okay to know you can be okay alone. Know your worth. Know what makes you happy, and more importantly who. Be with them through choice not necessity. I’ve known people stay in relationships out of habit, out of routine and because they’re scared of what their life will be like once they make that call to call it a day. In those situations, the only fear you should feel is a wasted life. Do you know what’s worse than ‘being alone’? (the media talking, not me). It’s being alone with someone. Surround yourself with people who never make you feel like that, whether it’s your significant other, your friends, your colleagues or your family.
The world’s a funny little place.I say this because just today I bumped into my old friend from university who’s building the apartments opposite mine. I heavily believe in fate and the timing of your life. There’s dozens of other builders on that site, thousands of other building projects in the world, but no, I bumped into him just at the time I left for work. And in the space of our five minute catch up I felt at home, I didn’t feel alone and it yet again made me realise how lucky I am to be surrounded by so many people who never let me have that feeling of loneliness. And I hope that if you’re reading this and you feel alone or you’re with someone who makes you feel like that or you don’t feel like you could be okay alone - you do something about it. Because the world is a pretty damn good place to feel lonely in it.